Silent Confession - Ch 9
Sometimes, the most profound answers are found in the silence shared between friends.
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As the sun sets over Echo Canyon, Val opens up to Raven about her struggle to find purpose after leaving behind the life she once knew. In the stillness of the desert, the two women share an unexpected moment of connection, one that may just light the way forward for them both.
Raven and Val were sitting comfortably in silence on Ravenās porch. One would think theyād been friends for years even though they had met only a week ago.
Seeing that Raven was deep in her thoughts, Val got up from her rocking chair and leaned against the wooden railing, gazing at the sprawling ranch. The wind tugged at her hair, but it couldnāt shake the weight pressing down on her chest. Somehow, this place brought disquieting thoughts to the forefront of her mind. Sheād come to SabĆ”ka seeking peace, hoping the quiet of the desert would somehow fill the empty spaces inside her. But so far, all sheād found was more silence. More emptiness.
She took a deep breath, the words rising in her throat before she could stop them from interrupting Ravenās thoughts.
āRaven, Iāve been here for almost two years now, and I still donāt know what Iām doing,ā she began, her voice faltering. āI thought leaving nursing would be freeingāthat Iād finally have the space to figure out what I really wanted. But instead, I feel⦠lost. Itās like Iāve walked off the path Iāve always known, and now I canāt find my way back.ā
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Her hands gripped the wooden rail tightly as if holding onto somethingāanythingāwould keep her from unraveling completely. āNursing gave me purpose, something to wake up for every day. And the farm⦠it was home. There was always work to be done, family to care for, and a rhythm of life I could count on. But now⦠itās all gone. And I donāt know how to move forward. I donāt know if I can.ā
Valās voice cracked, and she fought to hold back the tears stinging her eyes. āI thought Iād come here, retire, and find some kind of peace, but itās like the more time passes, the more I feel like Iām fading. I see this beautiful place, and all I feel is empty.ā
Her breath hitched as she continued, the words pouring out like a confession. āI look at you, Raven, with all your plans, and itās inspiring, but it just makes me feel even more lost. Iāve always had direction and always known what I wanted. And now? Now, I donāt know who I am anymore. Iām supposed to have it all figured out, especially at my age. But I donāt. And it scares me that I might never find that sense of purpose again.ā
Her voice dropped to a whisper, the vulnerability cutting through the air like a sharp edge. āIām drifting, Raven, and I donāt know how to stop.ā
Raven watched her new friend, the weight of Valās words settling between them. She had gotten up from her seat while Val was talking. She reached out, resting a steady hand on Valās shoulder, grounding her in that moment.
āVal,ā Raven said gently, āI hear you. And Iāve been there. Feeling lost⦠like everything that once defined you has slipped away. Itās terrifying. But admitting that? Itās the first step.ā
She paused, letting the silence fill the space, giving Val time to breathe. āI donāt have all the answers; neither of us do. Life has a way of pushing us in directions we never expected. Sometimes, the emptiness you feel now is making room for something newāsomething you canāt see yet.ā
Ravenās gaze swept the horizon, then returned to Val. āWhen I started thinking about turning this place into a training facility, I didnāt know if it would work. Hell, I still donāt know. But I knew I had to try. Step by step, I followed what felt right. You donāt need a grand plan to start moving forward. Just follow the small sparks that light your way.
āMy grandmother used to say, āWhen you canāt find the path ahead, sit with the earth beneath you. The ground holds memories, and the wind carries whispers. The way will reveal itself, but only when you stop trying to force it into view.āā
Ravenās voice softened as she continued, āYou donāt need to rush. Let yourself sit with whatās here now, and trust that when itās time, the next step will show itself.ā
Val listened, Ravenās words a balm to her aching soul, though they didnāt remove the fear. But for the first time in a long time, she felt a flicker of somethingāhope, maybe. It was faint, but it was there.
Ravenās voice softened. āYouāve spent your whole life caring for others, Val. Now itās time to figure out what brings you joy. It might not be what you expect and takes time, but thatās okay. This is your chance to explore. You donāt need to have all the answers right now.ā
Val nodded, the knot in her chest loosening ever so slightly. Raven hadnāt fixed her problems, but her words had given her permission to stop trying to have everything figured out and to take it slow. To let herself be lost, if only for a bit longer.
Raven smiled, a spark of mischief in her eyes. āNow, how about that ride? I also want to tell you about the open house Iām considering.ā
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Isnāt this true of all of us at some point in our life? We are at a turn in the road, a new chapter, but unsure where we go from here. And yet we think the answer should be immediate, we should know infinitely whatās next, where weāre going. We can all take some good advice from this and slow down, and see What opportunities open and where life leads us.
You always get me thinking and thatās a good thing.
Sooooo good! as a recently retired RN from the hospital after almost 30 years, I can totally relate to this. The way you write really brings one into the story and I'm thinking I know this girl Val...maybe I am this girl.!
And the connection between them, all the words of wisdom given - it was just a pleasure to read!
Marylee this is really good ššš