The Hard Goodbye - Ch 4

Chapter 4 - Does Leaving Have to Mean Losing?

To begin from the first chapter, START HERE. The previous chapter is HERE.

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After losing her husband and mother, Val’s life feels like a blank slate. But is starting over really that simple?

What did Mom do for herself?" Val realizes that her mother spent her life taking care of others. Now, Val's left wondering if she’s done the same.

Val stood out on the porch of her childhood home, drinking a cup of coffee before heading to the airport. She had come to Washington for her mother's funeral, who had died from heart failure at 75. Her mom was the backbone of their successful fruit farm, juggling home, family, and the farm alongside their dad for 55 years. The cherries were finished for the season, and the apples were starting to mature. The farm, thriving with its bountiful crops, felt empty without her.

Val and her oldest brother, Joe, walked along the stream one final time before she needed to leave for the airport.

“Are you sure you can’t stay longer?” Joe's voice held a note of pleading.

“Joe, I’ve been here three weeks. I need to go home,” Val replied, her voice tinged with exhaustion.

“But what about Dad?” Joe pressed, worry etching his features.

“Dad understands. He knows I need to leave. Yes, our family memories are here, but my life here with Steve... it’s more than sweet memories. Losing him so suddenly to the pandemic was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Maybe even more than Mom dying. Or it’s just different. We’re not supposed to live a healthy life and then, just die.” Val turned away from her brother as tears streamed down her face. Calming herself, she turned back to Joe. "I need to find a new way to live."

“I do have one thing I wanted to ask you about Mom. Do you think she was happy? I mean, I know she was a wonderful mother, and she and Dad had a real love. And she was an integral part of running the farm.

But what else did she have in her life? What did she do for herself? She was always taking care of others.” Val’s voice was soft, filled with curiosity and longing.

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Joe pondered for a moment before answering, “I think she was happy, Val. She found joy in the simple things, the love she shared with us and Dad, and the farm. Maybe she didn’t have grand hobbies or ambitions outside the home, but she was content. And sometimes, that’s enough.”

Val questioned the same for herself but didn’t share that concern with Joe. Her mind wandered back to her mother and the parallels of their lives. They were both dedicated to the farm and helping others. Her mom had always volunteered at the hospital, sparking Val’s interest in medicine. She had thought about veterinary school and later nursing, knowing she didn’t want to spend the time and money to become a doctor.

She was an RN when she married Steve. Her parents gifted them a small ranch house by the creek at the rear of the farm’s acreage. With his Air Force background in operation coordination and engine mechanics, Steve was a great help with the farm’s equipment.

Between their demanding jobs and the farm, there was little time for other activities. Her mom and dad always kept some horses and a pony, so Val and Steve would ride the trails and open fields when they had time.

Val’s thoughts turned back to her mom and her question to Joe about their mother’s happiness. Maybe it’s more a question of being content with her life and, therefore, happy. Perhaps when someone has children, their life is fulfilled. Steve and Val chose not to have kids, deeply engaged with their careers and the demands of caring for others.

And then, the pandemic took hold of the world. Weeks would go by when Val was required to stay in restricted quarters near the hospital, not seeing Steve or her family. Too often, those weeks turned into months. Steve stayed on the base much of the time, and Val’s family dealt with the farm, providing food for the community. It took a severe toll on everyone. You would have thought that after two worldwide pandemics, we would have an advanced prevention and control system in place. 

Steve had what he thought was a cold. Within a few short weeks, he was hospitalized, put on a respirator, and before Val knew it, he was gone. The deaths related to the pandemic had circled Val as her patients and staff died and now settled over her with a black cloud.

After Steve’s death, Val had to spend a week in isolation before she could go anywhere. The seclusion was both good and bad for Val as she struggled with her grief, and finally, her supervisor sent her home to the farm. There, her mom embraced her with love, good food, and patience.

For the next two decades, Val continued working as an ER nurse, becoming the charge nurse for the day shift. She started questioning if this was all there was. She watched her mom and friends, seeing how they were invested in their families.

Without Steve, it wasn’t enough anymore. She resolved that she would find a hobby, something she would be passionate about, that would give her satisfaction without relying on anyone else.

As the announcement came over the speaker to prepare for landing, it was interrupted by a massive roar of thunder. Flashes of lightning illuminated the thick, menacing clouds, causing her stomach to churn with anxiety. She gripped the armrest tightly, her knuckles white. The young man beside her noticed her fear and placed his hand over hers, giving it a firm squeeze. "Hang in there," he said softly, offering a reassuring smile. "We'll get through this with no problem."