This is gorgeous already — quiet, resonant, layered. I’ll break my feedback into clarity, flow, and tension, plus some thoughts on the reflection.
Clarity
Each character has a distinct voice, which is great. To make them even sharper, you could give each woman a small physical anchor (a gesture, a tone, an image) so readers instantly feel who’s speaking without rereading. For example, Raven’s tilted chair is strong — you could give Quinn something equally grounding, maybe fingers steepled or her jaw tightening.
The silence as presence is beautifully handled. One tiny suggestion: the phrase “It pressed in like a question waiting for its turn” is excellent but could be even leaner: “It pressed in, like a question biding its turn.”my imagination and courage meet.”
If you want, I write about these kind of things (Cognitive Narrative) on my substack.
Life seems to be a process of re-invention. A newspaper journalist in the beginning followed by executive positions in operations management for an energy company…who could have predicted that? Then retirement and once more an open slate left me free in ways never considered: mentoring young women and an occasional young boy; giving my time and expertise to help a worthy cause or two; giving myself unlimited hours to wander mountain trails on foot or horseback. Life is magic and your stories tell the tales. Come visit me!!!!!
Loving this article it's truly amazing how we can pivot and accept ourselves 👏❤️
This is gorgeous already — quiet, resonant, layered. I’ll break my feedback into clarity, flow, and tension, plus some thoughts on the reflection.
Clarity
Each character has a distinct voice, which is great. To make them even sharper, you could give each woman a small physical anchor (a gesture, a tone, an image) so readers instantly feel who’s speaking without rereading. For example, Raven’s tilted chair is strong — you could give Quinn something equally grounding, maybe fingers steepled or her jaw tightening.
The silence as presence is beautifully handled. One tiny suggestion: the phrase “It pressed in like a question waiting for its turn” is excellent but could be even leaner: “It pressed in, like a question biding its turn.”my imagination and courage meet.”
If you want, I write about these kind of things (Cognitive Narrative) on my substack.
Life seems to be a process of re-invention. A newspaper journalist in the beginning followed by executive positions in operations management for an energy company…who could have predicted that? Then retirement and once more an open slate left me free in ways never considered: mentoring young women and an occasional young boy; giving my time and expertise to help a worthy cause or two; giving myself unlimited hours to wander mountain trails on foot or horseback. Life is magic and your stories tell the tales. Come visit me!!!!!
Life sounds good! What did you think about Ravens story in Whispers of Echo Canyon? I’m adding a lot to the book as I edit it.
Maybe you’d like to be an Alpha reader?!